November 27, 2010 Just an excuse??
So, I’ve known, but this has been reinforced many times lately:
I’m really affected by people presence/absence… 
People don’t even have to be with me, but having them around me is extremely helpful. it’s quite difficult for me to concentrate/focus when there’s nobody around me. Well, I get distracted when certain people are around me too..
Maybe I’m just using this as an excuse?? I know there have been some times when there were no people around me at all and yet I was able to get a LOT done… I feel extremely stressed.. and my feet are really cold.. and there’s no one around me to vent to…!! I’ve got the music on, the computer on for communicating with my project group, and online docs for assignments… and the list of all the assignments I need to get done!!!! On the outside, I may seem fine right now, to myself, but on the inside, I’M FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!! I want to go into frantic mode! I need someone/something to keep me grounded!!! I’m frustrated with how I spent my weekend academically… although I did enjoy the family time and focusing a lot of my energies on something else other than school for a change from last week… but now I’m feeling the consequences of that all CRASHING DOWN ON ME!!!~~
There’s been some self-discovery, self-conviction, rediscovering hobby joys and possibilities, meeting interesting people interested/involved in similar hobbies/careers as me, SLEEPING, and actually conversing with my parents for a few minutes over breakfast/lunch eating healthy food together~. 
It’s so nice getting to spend a relaxing morning with my parents, eating real food that’s good for us, and having time with them where they’re available to hear me and respond with valuable tips and advice. I know they love me and care for me, but sometimes we just get swept up in tidal waves of things to do in this ocean of life.. and it’s nice to have some islands stop by underneath us to rest upon for a few quick minutes to catch up and care for each other. I need to create some islands for us during the upcoming years so that we don’t get too busy for us most of the time. Maybe someday those islands will become a countryside.~ That’d be nice.
When I say “create some islands”, I also mean me doing more things to show them I’m thinking of them and that I care for them too. Most days, I’m so absorbed by my own “to-do” lists, my own life, my own feelings, that I forget to think about them and their lives and feelings. I get self-absorbed and stuck in self-pity…
How do I just get over it and move on and become productive with my life and energy when I get started and stuck in that direction of thinking?? This is the issue that I need help with the most for my academic life right now, I believe.!!
Snap Out of iT and get going! get moving!! Do something with your life!! Do what you need to do! And allot time to do the things you want to do while allotting enough time to do all the things that you need to do too! That’s the art I need to perfect. When will this get easy? *sigh*
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